Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Noel Noel

I love December and I like how everything has transformed here. The run-up to Christmas from Thanksgiving has been nothing but magical. I like how innovative people are with decorations and how there are lights everywhere. While I appreciate it a lot, most times my heart is laced with guilt. I am stuck in two worlds. A part of me appreciates this, loves it and enjoys it and the other part constantly thinks about the less privileged ones. The ones who are constantly struggling.

I have celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas by cooking lots and lots of food. Last year when I was new here some people were really kind and I was invited to their homes. They opened their homes and hearts to us complete strangers. It was my turn this year to pay it forward. 

I did my little decorations too and was really happy with what I had done. Oh boy, I cooked so much. I haven't been cooking much lately because I am racing against time mostly. With the financial year coming to an end the work is never ending. I try to do something creative every other day but my energy levels dip down at an alarming rate. Those who know me well are aware that it is not like me to just laze around in the evenings. Some days are exhausting but I like how my work is progressing and the way I am growing professionally in the scheme of things. 

The other day someone close to me pointed out how I have missed some boxes/ steps / milestones in the page of life. Frankly, at this point I couldn't care any less. Inside this little head of mine, there’s been a lot going on lately. I’ve spent a couple of days trying hard not to fall into this self inflicting pain by thinking about this, I needed to flush it out of my system. Quick. I decided to celebrate Christmas in my little imperfect world.  On Friday I decided to work from home and ran 4 miles in between. I went to see the broadway - The School Of Rock and well I guess it was just the thing that I needed. The theme  "Stick it to the Man" was probably the universe's way of sending that sweet signal. On Saturday I cooked my heart out and ended up running 10 miles and then later in the evening I was in a jolly good mood. Kids - alcohol does wonders to an empty stomach. On Christmas day, I had to run,  so after a sumptuous christmas pancakes breakfast we went to my favorite trails for a quick run which became a rather long affair of 7.2 miles. As usual, I ended up falling on a straight road. Don't roll your eyes, please? Swollen and bruised knee, sore legs and tiredness didn't stop me from going to the city for the lights at night. I didn't find them very magical to be honest. I liked the house decorations in my little hilly town better.  I cooked again on Monday for a sweet and simple family. I am happy to have people around me who have my back. Such a packed weekend should have helped in flushing out unwanted things from my mind. I guess, I just needed my fix. 
Last night, I started going through Richard Feynman lectures again. I do that often. I find them comforting. There's something about science and philosophy together and that makes them so special.
One remarkable thing that I heard again was:
Nature uses only the longest threads to weave her patterns, so that each small piece of her fabric reveals the organization of the entire tapestry.
I love this quote because it reminds me of how everything is connected in the end. Hopefully one thread would lead me to see the whole answer. Even though, my life feels a bit jumbled, hopefully it will unravel on its own. Amen to that. 

On a chilly wintry night I started writing this with some good music in the background and this song popped up and I can't stop swooning over these little instances of connections and signals - 

A few weeks back, over drinks, I discussed this song with a friend in a cool brewery. I told her that in my opinion the song was about how Neil Young felt judged by an old man. This song is his way of sending a clear message that he's not interested in being adored and loved, he's doing what he does for his music and if people don't agree with it, that's fine. He's not interested in what people think.
To which she said that the song was about the caretaker of the property that Neil had recently bought when he wrote Harvest and then quickly she added - "Songs are what listeners want them to be". Damn Right, Deb!

Here's to a long post and many more sitting in this little head of mine.


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