Monday, August 17, 2015

Where Eagles Fly

I am not sure what independence day means to me. I was born in a free country and I am sure the generations before me truly understood the meaning of being independent because they struggled long and hard for it. Every year I think about it. I look at the armchair patriots and how they express their feelings or rather claim their 2 minutes of fame. It all feels ridiculous to me. The struggle for freedom and all stories were very romantic while I was growing up but now I question their relevance. I am just getting very cynical with age. Wearing tricolor does not make you a patriot. Painting your face orange-green-white does not show your love for the country in anyway. All those sugar coated "happy independence day" messages just feel a little  too out of place. I have always taken my independence for granted because I don't know any other way and there should not be any other way (In the first place). I thought long and hard to realize what I wanted to be independent "of".  Well for starters, I am a slave to technology. Well that's a very big can worms waiting to be opened. Some other time, maybe. Today I want to talk about how I am a slave to my own thoughts. I am so stuck in my head that it stops me from experiencing life, exploring things and it limits my creativity at times. I am unconventional and yet very very conventional.
On Saturday to celebrate the independence day there was a painting competition for the kids in my apartment complex. All the kids aged between 5 and 15 years participated in that. There were no topics. They could draw whatever they wanted and color according to their sensibilities.  Later, their drawings were exhibited all over the apartment complex.  I must say I was really impressed with their creativity, the subject and the way they had colored their paintings.  I love painting, drawing, coloring and trying out different ideas. I might not be good at it but I try. One day I will probably get better. At least that's what I keep telling my mind. 

The last big thing that I had drawn and felt happy was this. This painting gave me immense joy. I was going through a phase when I had started working on this particular project. As it materialized everything started to make sense. My life suddenly had more meaning and of course there was a sense of direction. You find hope in the most unexpected places and this painting did that for me. 

It's not that I haven't painted anything in two years. I keep water sketching every once in a while. I have a hard bound book which is full of my water sketches. Those water sketches are mainly of the sights that I visit. I have to admit that I haven't painted a canvas in a long while. 

The main problem with me is that I am so constricted in my head when it comes to my "next canvas project". Actually to a lot of things.  I need to let go. This great idea never materializes mainly because of the hype that I end up building around it. I need to give it a shot. Yes, I should. It never happens. I have tried various forms of art and every night I think of this masterpiece which sits in my head. 

I am chained with this "perfect-painting" idea. I know I need to be free. That day when I saw those paintings I realized that art like thoughts is nothing but perspective. I don't need to make it real-life like. I just need to express my thoughts. Those kids were free in their head. A little kid (aged 7) had drawn a Lord Ganesha painting with different triangles joined together. I was quite impressed. I have never imagined Lord Ganesha in a triangular form but his painting gave me his perspective.  A 14 year old boy had drawn his living room scene ( I could identify from the wall-paper that he had drawn) and there was a fireplace. It wasn't the reality but how he wanted it to be. 

So this year I will try to be independent of conforming to the idea that sits in my head.   

Enough of self-loathing today.

P.S: The title is a beautiful song by Sammy Hagar which talks about being free of restraints. Couldn't be more appropriate..


Post a Comment