Saturday, January 31, 2015

...My Best Days Are Ahead Of Me...

I would be lying if I said I didn't see it coming. The signs were everywhere. Slowly and steadily making their presence feel everywhere. Last year when I completed my 20's it didn't hit me that I was entering my 30's. It was still a distant reality. I think people around me turned my 30th birthday into a big deal. The focus was on the "30th" birthday and not entering my 30's.
It felt as if everybody wanted me to freak out about that particular milestone. And even now, a year later, I still get cornered by people preaching/sharing how life should be now because I've hit 30.
Despite their efforts I was quite nonchalant about it.

This year, this month things were different. I realized the next milestone was round the corner.
The little signs. The subtle hints. All were constantly reminding me of growing old. I ignored the matter like all the other major problems of my life. I have perfected this art of living in denial. Putting it away for another day. I stretch things out by not addressing them head on. I continue to live in denial until I am left with no other option than to deal with them.

Where did my 30 years go? Have I done enough? Have I achieved enough? Have I justified my being? Things that I need to achieve? Will I ever start my Cafe? What's my ultimate goal?
These were just some of the questions running through my head. I think these questions have become a part of my Life - like an OST..always present in the background.

Even with these big questions I am loving my 30's. I am comfortable with this number, I think. My footing feels sturdy. I am now okay with meeting my best friends twice a year. I have finally stopped being (over) protective of my sister. Friday nights have become baking nights. I long to come back home and do nothing. I have accepted those strands of grey hair with open arms. I have made my peace with my slowing metabolism. Even If I don't become an anorexic model in this lifetime I will be fine. I don't feel guilty while saying NO. I have stopped "tagging" along with people. Binge watching TV shows over Pub Hopping - Any given day. An old school Gin and Tonic over any damn fancy schmancy cocktail- Anytime and yet Black Coffee over GnT - Always. I have let go of relationships and friendships which crumbled to pieces. And I'm not saying I am miss-who-has-figured-it-all, that will never be the case. I am sure that I am more aware of myself. I am more acceptable of life and all its facets. Life without right or wrong. Life without true or false.

When I think about the last 3 decades I feel happy. I just can't complain. I learnt to walk. I survived my teenage years without any body image issues. I survived injections and blood tests. I finished my engineering with 2 job offers. I moved out on my own terms. I became independent. I started blog(s). I fought acne. I managed being broke efficiently. I ran half marathons. I saw Pearl Jam live. I lived through my dream of visiting some of the most beautiful places in Europe. I built some beautiful bonds. Lived a loan free life. Almost.

There's so much to cherish.. and all this just makes me want to look forward to the next 30 years and what life brings in those years.. I am sure, it's going to be one hell of a party! I will be okay.

For now - Happy Birthday to Me.

Couldn't help really -

I know I was born and I know that I'll die
In between is mine
I am mine

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like a good, actually, great going. And like they say, it is just the beginning! :)