Saturday, November 23, 2013

There Ain't Enough Words...

It has been really long! Lets do some talking. Just us and my words?
I have so much to talk about and yet I am at a loss for words. Please bear with me, yet again.
The words don't come out when there is too much on your mind.
Let me remind you of my inability to express my emotions in words coherently.
Funnily, people who really want to hear my words always end up reading through my gestures, body language etc.

Talking about words, something happened yesterday. I ended up reading a couple of blog links of two random and unrelated people.The blog authors had victimized themselves in their posts. They came across as martyrs. There were two different links written by two different people in very two different styles and yet they were quite similar. They had written about their situation. They glorified their pain. They had ridiculed the "other" person. I just couldn't sympathize with them. It is so easy to blame someone for your issues, problems and situations. Probably it is a sort of coping mechanism for the most of us. The habit of passing on the blame without even thinking comes naturally to us. There is never any ownership. We all mess up but we rarely acknowledge. When something goes wrong we rant out. We take it out of our system but what about the other person in that equation? The masses generally sympathize with the "Victim" ( The squeaky wheel gets the grease?). The other person becomes the villain invariably. I understand that things don't always fall in place. It is important to take things out of your system but is it really important to badger the other person publicly? Nay, don't think so! There is no dignity in victimizing oneself. Silence is sometimes stronger than words. 

Anyway, coming back to my blog and my pent up thoughts. There is a lot going on at the moment. I am happy, nervous, stressed, mildly depressed, exhausted, drained, overwhelmed, beat, excited, rushed up, panicked and very scared. The fact that I rarely talk about all this is not helping me at all. I really wish I could communicate it all in an unguarded way. I don't think there are enough words for everything. 
I am very bad with my communication. I keep stuffing my head with my thoughts. Taking things out of my head isn't easy. Giving words to my thoughts is the biggest challenge for me. Every once in a while over coffee/ drinks I hear something which resonates perfectly with my thoughts and there is a feeling of contentment. Hearing your thoughts out loud in another voice is kind of therapeutic. 
I know this phase shall pass too and I will be in a better position. For now, I should just hold my guard.



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