Thursday, September 12, 2013

....Give me a little something to believe in!

I am in Poona and the festive season is in full flow. The weather has been pretty beautiful lately.
Wherever you go you will find glitzy Ganesha idols. The pimped up tents and idols everywhere. It is another story that these idols will be submerged 10 days later.. The blaring music shouts from the speakers.. I see nonchalant followers/ devotees in front of these idols with nothing but their beliefs. 
I am not an atheist. I do acknowledge the presence of God. While I think of god every now and then but I am not religious. I also pray to my god. My god doesn't have a face. He/She/It could be Jesus/ Shiva/ Ganesha or a tree for that matter. I acknowledge the existence. His face keeps changing for me. For me the God is all about the little things. For example, when I see clouds moving I find it divine. When I spot a rainbow that's God for me. 

The point that I am making here is that I am really really jealous of the believers. I am jealous of the fact that they believe in something so strongly.  I want something like that too. I used to be that girl with lots of beliefs but now I have none. I really want to believe in something. I want to be fanatic about it. I want that belief in my DNA. I want that belief to be the focal point of my life.. I want to believe in something! Sometime ago I wrote about this. It was about having a powerful dream. The same way I want to believe in something too. They are not exactly the same things but I just want that belief to be synonymous with my identity. 

I want to fight for my belief. I want to have passionate arguments around it. I want to believe in something the way a fundamentalist does(. I am not supporting fundamentalism here. It is just an analogy). 
I don't want it to be a religious belief. I think I am beyond religion. Thankfully for me each and every religion is important and I don't think I am what I am because of my religion. I was brought up in a secular environment where we never discriminated against anyone because of their religion. 

I believe in a lot of things and yet at the same time I don't believe in anything strongly. It is important to have strong beliefs. They say faith comes from having strong beliefs.. I have none! How are people supposed to believe in me when I have no beliefs of my own. How do I expect anyone to believe in me when I don't know what I stand for. On second thoughts, maybe I need to believe in myself first and then comes the part of believing in something else. 

I don't think I was ever like this. I was always full of conviction which was kind of irritating for the others. I am becoming more open to accepting things. I have stopped challenging things. I don't like this change. I want things, causes and stories to believe in..!

Is that too much to ask for ? Do you understand what I am trying to say here? I guess this post stopped making sense after five sentences. Do you believe in something so strongly that your life revolves around it? 

1 comment:

  1. You already have a belief dear... that you will reach your running goals.... and I guess that's what keep pumping you to try harder and harder...