Monday, April 15, 2013

A Reluctant Rebel..

I was feeling particularly rebellious yesterday. I just didn't know what to do about it.
You know everybody has those "rebellious moments" when you want to put your foot down and fight for the most ridiculous causes of all.
Yeah yeah snapping at your boss counts for it :).

It was my "rebel-for-a-day" phase yesterday. I was feeling rebellious in my heart but my mind had no idea why.. My mind felt so left out that it started to think of all things I could have rebelled against..

Now since I am out of job.. Rebelling against my boss was out of question. I was so restless in my heart and I didn't know what to do about it.

I tried to binge on food. It seemed like a decent idea to rebel against my disciplined diet.
My body/my mind/ my heart gave away.. It shows no affinity towards fatty foods now.. :(
Even the chocolates don't seem work. I just wanted to binge to prove a point which was still not clear in my head. I didn't know what I was against. I just felt like proving a point

I know this post might sound ridiculous to you but there are days when you just want to fight the system. The only problem in my case was that I didn't know the system I was up against.

I opened my gmail and hastily composed some emails to "people" to get some "closure" on things.
As I was writing those emails I felt particularly stupid and childish. At 29 you are supposed to be wise eh? Even in my most ridiculous err rebellious mood the idea didn't seem wise. I had decided to be wise a long time ago..

I hate growing up and I realized one more reason why I hate it so much...
As a kid I would have rebelled against my parents given them a hard time and would have been perfectly satisfied.  I would have probably hogged at Mc Donalds and gotten drunk on cheap liquor. I would have satiated my desire to be rebellious by eating mindless chocolate bars. Oh yes, I would have sent those stupid emails about closures too..

I have to admit that growing old isn't that much fun.  May be one day I will write a post about how I have made my peace with growing old but for now I will just try and figure a different way to be rebellious.

P.S : The shopping ban is still on..  Yippie :) 14 days and counting...!!


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