Saturday, November 3, 2012

Can you play me a memory?

Remember my German friend who is fighting cancer at the moment? So we Skyped for a good long hour. She went through her first round of chemo and it didn't go too well. The best part was the way she was talking about it. She had no ill feelings. Not even for a second did she crib about it. She cribbed about the winters and me being in India but not even for a second did she talk about her pain or the side effects.
Needless to say that I was impressed. We got on to talking more. I was curious to know her chemo experience. She said " With the whole experience I died a 1000 deaths and many more in waiting.."
Of course I couldn't ask anything further.  Then later on she said "I can't describe the feeling..There are no appropriate words.."
Her words really got me thinking.. Where are these words when we want to express our feelings or say the feeling of Deja Vu.
Like the other day the song Piano Man popped up in my YouTube playlist:

It is a song about a Piano Bar where Billy Joel used to play Piano and all the events that are mentioned in the song are drawn from there.. It reminded me of my time in Firangi Paani with Boys and Karan..
I could draw parallels from each and every event.. It was such a euphoric feeling and I just didn't know how to express it.. I felt so lost and so dumb..

The other day I was supposed to meet a friend in one of the coffee shops and she was late.
So I stood outside the coffee shop and was watching all the decked up shops because of the festive season and it reminded me of the time when I celebrated Christmas with Eby back in 2007
May be it was the effect of the decorated shops or could be the effect of standing outside a coffee shop...
I don't know what triggered it .. I went back in time for a few minutes.

Last week I was busy running around and had no time for lunch. So I decided to stop at Mc'D for a quick cup of coffee ( Take away).. When I was paying for my coffee it reminded me of one particular dinner I had at McD in Herzo.. I was going through a terrible time and was bottling up a lot of things.. and I talked that day about a lot of things over a late night dinner and a cup of coffee (probably 10 PM in the night...quite late by German standards). I was so lost that the attendant had to repeat the amount twice and I was standing there dumbstruck.
For the record let me tell you I have never been a fan of McD.. It is too much Junk for my taste but I used to go there once in a while not as much for me as for the other person.. I even remember the song that was playing on the TV( muted). Funnily I also remember the vivid details of what the other people were like there ( There were 5 odd people having their quick dinner).. I remember what we were wearing perfectly well..

 When I was in the scene or say at that point I never paid any attention to the details in all the above situations..There have been so many situations, instances in the past.. I remember even the time of the day and the brightness of the Sun. I am amazed at how I remember each and every detail so clearly they all keep playing in my head like a slideshow and I can't stop thinking about them. I even remember the sequence so clearly. Everything is crystal clear in my head. I guess it will stay like that for years to come... like the time I reached Berlin at midnight for the first time, when I had my coffee@ Bayreuth, the first snowfall in Germany, When I got a black eye from playing squash...

Ahh, so many memories, so many connections, so many feelings.. How do I fit them all in? More importantly where should I fit them..? Some day they will erase out of my mind or may be they will stay with me for a lifetime.. I will have new moments and memories ... I am just scared of losing the old ones!! The equation might change but the memories keep you going.. They keep reminding you of the good times/ tough times/ bad times...!!

P.S:  Now writing this I have a feeling that I have written about all this before in different words..!
I am too nostalgic these days.. My joblessness needs to be blamed for getting my hormones worked up!

1 comment:

  1. You know I can't remember anything, not even things that happened couple weeks ago...even life changing events are just a haze :)