Tuesday, June 19, 2012

~~~I still haven't found what I am looking for ~~~

A friend of mine from the college times pinged me after ages.
She was laying low all this while, so I had no clue about her whereabouts.
You know how it is when you talk to your once-upon-a-time close people after a while.You just want to hear them talk.No Matter What!The same happened here also.. We immediately exchanged skype addresses and here we were talking to each other on Skype.

I will be really honest with you here.. We always had that J factor (Kind of a Legendary Rivalry). We were jealous of each other.May be both of us thought that we had it in us.. . Don't mistake "IT" for Information Technology.It is talent that we are talking about here. Both of us were creative. At least that's what I always liked to believe. We joined our jobs and always dreamt of doing something grand and different. We hoped to leave a mark.

One of us did make it though! She is running her own business now.
I am really embarrassed to admit this but when she told me about her business the immediate thoughts weren't "Wow, Great, awesome".They were the first three words though. The first thought was .."Really? How come.. I don't think she is "That" talented..We got talking and she told me her story..I kept on going back to my first thought.Today morning I realized something.. May be she doesn't really have it but she has enough to take chances.She decided to take chances with her life. Instead of being stuck in a wrong place she decided to do something about it.I always say that it is one life that we have got and I have to make the most of it.That is exactly what she did - ditching her comfort zone, trying to make the most of her time, doing things she wanted to do.. Right now, I just respect her and am really happy for her. I called her and told her what I felt yesterday and what I feel today.

She also admitted having this J Factor and this secret competition with me.
Of course coming out with all this secret jealousy and admitting it all made me feel relieved.
To be honest, to me the fact that she was also secretly competing with me all this while felt so good..(It kind of felt mutual at that instant).

Coming back to the usual life .. I am doing good. I am excited about a few things.Really excited. I really don't want to spit it here. I am really superstitious.. A lot!
**I am the kind of girl who crosses her fingers every time she watches a football match..
**I am the first one to touch wood every time someone says something nice.
**If a black cat crosses the road then I change the route or wait for someone else to cross it first.. ( I am crazy also.. :))
I think that was enough to convince you how superstitious I am.

I was just talking to a friend.. Ok, let me call her Phish ( She will figure it out) . So she was telling me how Swimming is so calming , meditative for her.. and I compared it with my Baking.Have you really noticed the pattern?I leave no chance to talk about me. I am self obsessed .. Indeed!
So , I wrote a small poem on Baking.. Here it is:

Everyone should have something...
Something that makes them forget everything..
Something To make them high..
That for my friend is not Red Wine .. :)
My calling is baking..

Just breathe!!! I was kidding. I hope you are not having any suicidal thoughts after reading this..
Thanks for the patience in case you are still reading it.. On a serious note. Here it is:

Did I tell you how you make me feel? 
There's nothing that I would do than be with you?
You make my heart beat faster and somehow you make it better  ,
You fill my evening with hope and laughter.

How Can I tell you what you make me feel?
If only I could sing my song to you..
In my darkest hour you are the light..
You keep me warm on a chilly night..

Okay enough of those "Wtf" expressions.. I can even sing this song in my mind (I also have a tune for it now.. :) la .. lalallala.... la la la ... lalallala .. la la la)

I think I am too excited.. :) Looking forward to the week ahead.
I need to sign off now.. !!

P.S: Well the song is by U2 .
I am happy for my friend and what she has done and I am quite proud of her..
On a more "profound" thought.. ( I have just finished a glass of wine... Hence the usage of word profound..)
May be I haven't found my calling as yet. May be one day I will do the same what she has done. May be my time still hasn't come as yet.. May be Another Day , Another time some other girl will be writing about me.. (Amen to that!)..
Some people say that this song is about the women he loved and how he never made it with her, Some say that it is about Christ and his relationship  with God..  For me it is about finding my "Calling" and the song is just perfect.. !

I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for


  1. a lovely post! phish indeed! hahaha! you got me laughing girl! ;)

  2. You do what you dream of doing and I am going to write about it, Promise. And not just because I am promising or just like that, but because you genuinely inspire me. :)

  3. @Phish: You can't really get anonymous with me :)

    @Anon : Thanks for the smile :)

    @Gunj : It really felt good after a heart to heart talk!!

    @Tanny: Well I am looking forward to the day !!